"hey jane, it's me, riggins, your boyfriend. great job on your thesis! i'm so proud of you for finishing, especially since i have never even gone to college and i am going to live in dylan, texas, forever. so real good job on that thesis, and now that it's over we can just have sex because, let's face it, you're not going out with me for my INTELLECT. unless intellect is code for hotness. anyways, come to bed."